by Admin_MF | Oct 30, 2023 | General Transformation
Intentional change, the process of consciously and purposefully transforming oneself, has a profound impact that often ripples far beyond the individual who initiates it. Just as a small flap of a butterfly’s wings can set off a chain of events leading to significant changes in the world, our personal growth and transformation can have far-reaching consequences, touching the lives of those around us. In this blog post, we’ll explore the butterfly effect of intentional change, how it influences others, and the incredible power it holds to inspire, uplift, and induce transformation in our communities and world at large.
Understanding the Butterfly Effect
The term “butterfly effect” originated from chaos theory, suggesting that a small change in one part of a system can lead to significant alterations in another part. Applied to intentional change, it signifies that even the tiniest shifts in our lives can create profound impacts on those connected to us. Here are some key aspects of the butterfly effect in intentional change:
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Personal Growth Creates Positive Vibes
When we embark on a journey of personal growth and intentional change, whether through courses like this one or various other means, we often radiate positive energy. Our newfound optimism, motivation, and resilience can be contagious. Those around us pick up on these vibes and are inspired to take positive actions in their own lives. Our change becomes a beacon of hope for others, showing that transformation is possible.
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Leading by Example
One of the most powerful ways intentional change affects others is through leading by example. Our actions often speak louder than words. When friends, family, colleagues, or even strangers witness our dedication to self-improvement and the positive outcomes it yields, they may be encouraged to follow suit. The simple act of leading by example can ignite a chain reaction of change. We witness and do it in our daily lives already. When you see someone return the grocery cart, are you not also encouraged to do the same rather than push it anywhere away from your vehicle?
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Empowering Through Support
As we navigate our journey of intentional change, we may seek the support of others—mentors, friends, or various professionals. The knowledge, encouragement, and guidance we receive create a strong foundation for our own transformation. Yet, these individuals, also witness our growth, and in doing so, they are reminded of the potential for change and the importance of their roles in helping others achieve their goals.
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Enhancing Relationships
Intentional change often involves a shift in how we interact with others. As we work on our communication skills, empathy, and emotional intelligence, our relationships improve. These positive changes in our interactions can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships, benefiting not only ourselves but also the people we engage with regularly. When we no longer entertain harmful forms ineffective communication techniques, such as yelling or giving the silent treatment, we come together in ways to encourage effective communication thus enhancing the relationship with the opposite party. This does not only apply to our loved ones, but to all the many varied relationships in our lives.
The Ripple Effect in Action
To better understand the ripple effect of intentional change, let’s explore how this phenomenon plays out in various aspects of life:
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Families:
Parents as Role Models: When parents commit to intentional change, their children often grow up in an environment that fosters personal growth. These children are more likely to adopt similar values and habits, setting the stage for a positive intergenerational impact. This is one reason generational trauma healing has become an important and often talked about subjet.
Transforming Family Dynamics: A single family member’s commitment to change can shift family dynamics for the better. Improved communication, empathy, and conflict resolution skills can lead to stronger bonds and emotional well-being for everyone involved.
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Friendships:
Supportive Social Circles: When friends witness the transformational journey of one of their own, they are often inspired to initiate their change efforts. The healthy boundaries created elminate the enabling of toxic habits and behaviors both internally and externally. This creates a network of support where each individual empowers and encourages the others to pursue their goals.
Deeper Connections: As individuals grow and evolve through intentional change, their friendships can deepen. Mutual support and understanding lead to more meaningful connections, which, in turn, contribute to the overall well-being of the group.
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Workplace:
Productivity and Collaboration: Employees who engage in intentional change often bring improved skills, motivation, and a positive attitude to the workplace. These qualities enhance productivity and foster collaboration, elevating the performance of the entire team.
Leadership Development: When individuals in leadership positions embrace positive intentional change, it can inspire their teams to do the same. This, in turn, contributes to a culture of continuous improvement within the organization.
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Communities:
Collective Impact: As individuals within a community undergo intentional change, they collectively contribute to a more vibrant and engaged society. Whether it’s volunteering, participating in local initiatives, or supporting sustainable practices, personal change can lead to a more significant impact on a community level. For example, when one property begins to clean up and makeover their space, others are encouraged to do the same, thus bringing up the integrity and value of the neighborhood.
Nurturing the Butterfly Effect of Intentional Change
If you’re on a journey of intentional change and wish to maximize your impact on others, consider these strategies:
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Share Your Story:
Be open about your journey, including the challenges and triumphs. Your authenticity and vulnerability can resonate with others and inspire them to embark on their transformational paths. When others try to discourage you, speak your truth louder. Your bravery and courage to speak about your transformational and healing journey will give others the courage to do the same, which will ultimately lead to a broader change.
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Provide Support:
Actively encourage and support the personal growth efforts of those around you. Whether through mentorship, coaching, or simply being a compassionate friend, your support can be a catalyst for change in others. Many keyboard warrior trolls will try to silence truths from being told, but when we all support and courage each other the positive transformations will thrive.
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Lead with Empathy:
Empathetic leadership and communication can create an environment that fosters change. By understanding the needs and perspectives of others, you can inspire and guide them toward their own intentional change.
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Collaborate for Greater Impact:
Join forces with others who share your values and goals. Collaborative efforts often amplify the reach and impact of intentional change initiatives.
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Advocate for Systemic Change:
While individual transformations are powerful, advocating for systemic change can lead to broader societal improvements. Use your personal growth and transformation as a foundation for advocating for changes that benefit your community and ultimately the world. The power of social media has created an astronomical amount of awareness and change on many topics.
Final Thoughts
The butterfly effect of intentional change is a testament to the interconnectedness of our lives and the remarkable potential for positive impact. As individuals strive to become their best selves, they set in motion a chain of events that can touch the lives of their families, friends, colleagues, and communities, ultimately contributing to the betterment of society as a whole.
By nurturing this effect and actively sharing our transformational journeys, we have the power to inspire, uplift, and create a world where intentional change is not only celebrated but embraced as a force for good. As we flap our wings in pursuit of personal growth, let’s remember that our ripples of change have the potential to create waves of transformation for a better, more enlightened world.
by Admin_MF | Jul 25, 2023 | General Transformation
At one point in time, I found myself trapped in a dark place, oblivious to the little miracles and positive signs in my life. Mentally and emotionally, I was stuck in survival mode, unable to recognize any abundance of goodness. It felt as if I were suffocating, just like a neglected garden overtaken by years of neglect. But little did I know, my journey to rediscovering joy and embracing positivity was about to begin.
The Struggle Within
I had allowed grief, much like this recent experience, to overgrow within me, and anger and resentment had taken control of my thoughts. My constant sense of duty left little room for joy. The belief that success would forever elude me allowed depression and anxiety to consume me. Pain caused by others had become a constant presence in my mind, making me defensive yet wishing to fade away. The scars, in and external, are a lasting reflection of the battles fought.
The Awakening
Despite the darkness that engulfed me, a flicker of hope remained. I still believed in the possibility of magical things, although it was difficult for me to perceive them. Admitting that any miracles had occurred, especially for me, proved even more challenging. It took years of intentional effort to realize the damaging nature of my mental filter. During this transformative period, I discovered the interconnectedness of mind, body, soul, and environment, understanding that neglecting one would lead to overall unhealthiness and instability of all.
Want to read more on healing, check out this post.
The Power of Healing
Personal therapy became an essential tool on my journey to self-discovery. Alongside seeking my own healing, I accompanied others to mental health appointments, absorbing knowledge and insights along the way. I learned that avoiding unpleasant emotions only allows them to grow bigger and more overwhelming. It was through this process that I began to clear away the overgrowth within my own life.
Nurturing the Self
Clearing away the overgrowth in our lives is akin to pruning a garden. By removing the weeds and unnecessary elements, we create space for positive growth. It is crucial to nurture ourselves, both physically and emotionally, in order to allow the things we enjoy to flourish. Just as plants require care, attention, and nourishment, so do our minds, bodies, souls, and spaces. Self-care practices such as mindfulness, exercise, and pursuing hobbies can contribute to our overall well-being.
Creating a Positive Environment
While focusing on self-nurturing, it is equally important to create a positive environment. Surrounding ourselves with supportive and uplifting individuals can have a profound impact on our journey towards joy. They help us to alleviate imposter syndrome, like my friend Samantha talks about. Toxic relationships and negative influences can hinder our growth and perpetuate the cycle of darkness. By consciously choosing to foster positive connections and eliminating toxic ones, we create a nurturing ecosystem that allows our happiness to thrive. At first, finding the uplifting individuals can feel like an impossible task, but once we begin to crate the space within us they seem to miraculously appear.
Embracing the Miracles
As we clear away the overgrowth and nurture ourselves and our environments, we begin to see life from a new perspective. The little miracles that were once invisible now start to emerge. These miracles can manifest as meaningful coincidences, opportunities, or moments of joy and gratitude. They serve as reminders of the beauty and wonder that exist in the world, waiting to be noticed.
Resilience in the Face of Challenges
It is important to acknowledge that not everything will be perfect. Challenges and setbacks will inevitably arise, but our newfound resilience will help us weather those storms. By continuously nurturing ourselves and maintaining a positive environment, we build the strength to face adversity with courage and determination.
My journey from darkness to embracing the miracles and abundance in life was a transformative one. Years of intentional effort and self-discovery allowed me to clear away the overgrowth and nurture myself, creating an environment that fosters joy and positivity. I have learned that by embracing the interconnectedness of mind, body, and soul, we can achieve a state of holistic well-being.
As I continue on my path, I am reminded that life’s little miracles are all around us, waiting to be noticed. Embracing them with open arms and nurturing our inner selves will lead to a life filled with joy, gratitude, and resilience in the face of challenges. Let us all take the first step in clearing away the overgrowth in our lives and uncovering the miracles that await us.
by Admin_MF | Apr 12, 2023 | General Transformation
Health and happiness can be separated into two different categories. Plenty of people with chronic illnesses find joy. Even though they are sick, they are working on their joy and doing what they can for their health. People can be in top physical health, but not are extremely miserable. Can one be fully healthy without happiness, and vise versa? Maybe.
For a long time as a fitness instructor, I believed that physical health was the answer to a lot of questions. Do the exercise programs, follow the food plans, fix many problems. That is, until doing all the exercise programs and following their recommended plans caused injury and illness. Not to mention all the anxiety and body image issues, which have already been a struggle most of my life and was a reason I became an instructor.
I still believe that movement is an essential part of overall health and happiness. If it weren’t important, than bedridden patients wouldn’t have someone coming in to move their limbs from time to time. Stay too long in one spot, you risk getting bedsores, blood clots, or other sneaky scary things. Movement creates mood enhancing hormones, but finding enlightenment outside of the gym is critical for overall wellbeing.
Society likes to tell us how we are doing everything wrong.
We’re constantly told we’re not
good enough. I have come to the conclusion that a lot of that noise is due to three things. 1) Marketing strategies, 2) self-projections of miserable people, and 3) power and control. Bosses keep workers mostly unhappy, telling them that their life would be nothing without being on the payroll (Power and control). All of the diet and exercise programs makes us feel horrible for not looking like a photoshopped image so we will buy their product (marketing). The internet is full of examples of people being jerks (self-projections).
Getting rid of that noise can be very difficult, especially if it’s junk you have heard your entire life. Figuring out how to turn down the volume is important to both health and happiness. When the volume on the hate is down, we become more self-aware. We don’t push our bodies to the breaking point and can focus more on intentional movement and do things correctly. Setting healthy boundaries becomes a thing we can do now. We slowly start to shift our defenses and learn to allow happy moments to happen without question.
As we get rid of the noise, our overall mood changes. Our mood affects many parts of our physical operations. People die of broken hearts. People that look like the textbook definition of health end up with liver disease, popcorn lung, heart issues, or decide to find out what’s beyond this realm of existence on their terms. Depression and anxiety don’t go away just because a quick glance by a medical professional says you look good. An elevated mood will not necessarily make a health condition go away, but it will help you learn to live with or manage the condition in a mentally and emotionally healthier way.
Figuring out how to get yourself out of the swamp of despair is key to a healthier life.
Figuring out the main roots of what created our swamp can create a difficult emotional journey, or admittance to something we don’t want to accept. People are afraid of change, but change is inevitable. None of us are who we were when we were 5, 15, or even 3 years ago. We are conditioned to please others before ourselves, and in some societies taking care of ourselves is somewhat unacceptable.
Swamps can be created from legitimate health conditions like Ehlers-Danlos, environmental conditions like what happened in Flint Michigan, community conflicts including unaccepting parents or partners, or many other circumstances. The question becomes: Are you willing to change what is necessary when you figure out the cause of your misery?
Sometimes parts of the cause can be edited, such as repurposing or decorating a space, evicting specific people from our lives, finding a medical/mental health team that doesn’t dismiss you, or even a complete movement and food intake makeover. What if it’s the entire community’s way of life that’s the problem? You have to ask yourself what you are willing to continue to tolerate, what you can place boundaries around, and what has to completely change in order to create the life you can be ok having lived.
If you’re ready to start your journey to change your life, I invite you to check out my self paced Pillars of Transformation course.
by | Apr 11, 2022 | General Transformation
What do you do when you’re in the middle of your own internal hell, sick with a new virus no one knows anything about, nursing another injury, attempting to get your brand-new online business going, struggling to be present for your full-time day job, running a household, and your person comes to you about wanting to change your entire lives? My internal initial reaction was not pretty.
Almost everyone I know in the helping others industries has admitted that doing and teaching are usually not the same. A child play therapist can spend all day helping clients learn how to parent their challenging younglings then go home and become a momster to her own. Nurses lecture patients about proper self-care, but all the ones I personally know struggles with diet and exercise because of their intense schedules. Many fitness instructors don’t work out for THEM, all their time and energy is spent working on things for their clients. With that thought in mind, when Andrew* asked me about a life change, I decided to accept the challenge to “coach” a family member.
Anyone who has spent their entire life in small town Montana knows that this state is extremely “clickish.” Unfortunately, the mentality does not end for many people when they get out of high school and can affect workplaces as adults. This is basically what started to happen at Andrews office. His kind-of bosses/colleagues, the “club”, all grew up from the same town, which happened to be high school rivals of the town he went to grade school in. Ridiculous, immature, and unfortunately a real thing around here. Andrew works in IT and was the only IT personnel. That meant he had to advocate for what he knew was the correct course of action
while also fulfilling the desires of the kind-of bosses. It’s a complicated set-up.
Tell me what you want, what you really really want
When Andrew asked how I felt about him applying for a job in another state, my initial reaction was a mixed of: You want me to what?!; What about XYZ?; Bye bitch; Maybe a new lifestyle is what we need. But I had to put on my “coach face” and hear him out. Upon listening to his issues, we came to a list of non-negotiables that would have to happen before I could agree to possibly walk away from all I worked so hard to achieve. With that list in hand, he started to apply for jobs from coast to coast that met the criteria. During the start of the pandemic. Not the best time to be job hunting, but there you have it.
Andrew had a lot of internal work to do during this process. He had never really had to work hard to find work, especially in his fields. Applying for so many jobs with very few responses was a crushing experience. I can’t count how many times I had to remind him that intentional transformation is not easy, but it’s better than forced transformation in the same part of life.
Learning to be true to you
Eventually, Andrew got an offer in state. While he was a bit relieved to have gotten an offer, I could tell he also didn’t want to take it. But was saying NO really an option to him? Now what kind of “coach” would I be if I didn’t use this as a learning opportunity for him? *Insert slightly evil laugh* Time to check the boxes then acknowledge the emotions.
The pay was much better. (Box checked) No one would HAVE to move. (Sounds good) The location was at least an hour drive in good weather one way. (Not liking that idea. Montana winters can SUCK.) He could remote 2 days a week, but ONLY Tuesday and Thursday. (Okayeee, that’s stupid.) He would be the only IT staff member for a 24/7 facility. (There’s the nope.)
The hardest part about trying to “coach” a partner is trying to be a partner yet not at the same time. To be honest, our relationship wasn’t in the best place before all of this. Part of me was wanting him to bounce out, part of me wanted to see if he had it in him to change into what I need. That was also an….interesting….equation in all this drama. I had to make a choice of how to act. I chose to detach and let him figure what he wanted while asking the hard questions. His choices would help guide me on our status.
So many hard questions, and I had to let him answer alone. How would taking this job improve the stress you already have from being an IT department of one? Will the pay actually be worth it when you consider travel costs? If you want us to work on this relationship, what kind of impact would this position have? Etc. He did end up turning the job down when he realized the cons greatly outweighed the pros, and that YES, saying NO was an option.
So what’s next
After many more applications and interviews, Andrew ended up getting a job offer in Vermont. Yup, all the way across the country. Can we say excitement and anxiety attack at the same time? The offer checked off a lot of boxes, so he accepted it with a newfound personal empowerment that he could change his mind later if desired. He went online, found a realtor, had some video meetings, and we booked some tickets to check out the state.
Vermont is a lot like Montana. Mountains, snow, trees, a beautiful picture in every direction, not a ton of people, rural. The biggest difference we both noticed is even though we were traveling in a pandemic, people there were easier to be around. I didn’t get side-eyed going into a store, which still happens in the town I’ve lived in for 8 years. People held doors without that smug “you’re welcome” attitude. It was great, except for many of the pandemic restrictions were frustrating to deal with; so many places closed to walk in and those that were open closed their bathrooms. Temporary issues.
The original job Andrew was offered was having issues with federal contracts, so he didn’t have an official start date. With that knowledge, and how much we both liked the area, Andrew kept applying for jobs, but narrowed down to that corner of the country. I saw a huge transformation growth in him. He was more confident in his job prospects, he was relieved to “know” he was getting out of the current job on HIS terms, and he was excited in a way I had never seen him before. After a couple additional job offers, he ended up settling on a different one that had a much better pay in a less expensive part of Vermont. Winner-Winner Chicken Dinner!
Time for Change
Our amazing Realtor & friend Nicole helped us find a house to buy. What would that mean for us? Andrew, all the animals, and some other family members that are renting the apartment within the house moved in July 2021. *Moving tip: Use an RV if you’re relocating long distance with animals.*
I decided that for an unknown length of time I would not move, and travel between the two states. The space has helped us figure out what we each really need. Not living full-time in the same house in almost a year, especially during the pandemic, has been awakening to both of us, helping us see what we really want in life, from ourselves, and what we need in a partnership.
Helping Andrew transform, especially while I’ve been in such a personally brutal recovery & transformation process, has been an ascending experience. Seeing growth and positive change in someone you were ready to give up on is an amazing feeling. I cannot predict what the future will look like, but this experience has set us both up to be emotionally stronger, confident, and able to see the flicker of light when things seem too dark to handle.
*Name(s) changed to protect privacy
by | Mar 14, 2022 | General Transformation
When you get sick with a mystery virus, no one has any good guidance. When that mystery virus acts like a toddler changing its mind every 30 seconds, life becomes even more difficult.
Getting COVID-19, at the end of October 2019, when the world was barely beginning to realize it was a thing, changed my life. I thought it would be like every other bug I had caught in my life…..get sick, get better, move on with life. Though that’s somewhat true, it’s also somewhat false.
As I’m writing this post, scientists are still trying to figure out WTF with this modern-day plague and its MANY varying symptoms. Some of us have long term mysterious affects that we may never recover from, and they are different for each individual. I’ve gotten used to having to pay more attention to my physical state due to how easily certain joints get injured. What I wasn’t expecting with this illness was the huge set-back in my mental & emotional health. In hindsight, that set back was also probably one of the best intentional transformations I’ve gone through so far.
The Pillars of Transformation was a process I created to help me work through life’s messy hurricanes. Each pillar is its own part of the process that my analytical brain can use to help me intentionally move forward with a specific purpose. Depending on the current desire of change, one pillar may take longer to go through than others, but it’s all part of the process. It’s the combination of each pillar that creates the stable foundation for transformation. Does that mean once I get through the pillars I’m cured of that issue? No. Things can happen putting you right back in the situation, but having gone through the work once, makes it easier to evolve through it the next time.
That freaking virus concocted from a crevice in hell made dealing with life so difficult that for many months part of me really wanted to die. The defiant part of me wanted to live and prove it all wrong. What was so awful about my experience? These are the worst parts:
– Breathing is more difficult. I’ve had activity induced asthma since middle school, which sucks because I’ve always been active. Until the dang modern plague tagged me it was easily manageable. I used to only use my inhaler prior to known trigger activities, and occasionally at other times when needed. Now, I must carry the inhaler with me all the time. Sometimes walking across the house is enough to make me use the dang thing, sometimes I can go for a fast walk and be fine. It’s no longer predictable, therefore more difficult to manage.
– Fatigue. This is also extremely unpredictable. Last summer I helped move a significant part of my household across the country. My energy levels seemed “normal” during the trip. Some days my Fitbit can’t even break 1000 steps. Laying on the couch barely paying attention to whatever’s on tv is exhausting.
– What was I doing? Memory loss has been super frustrating. It seems to ride with the fatigue. I’ve had to become more diligent about making lists and writing things down. I don’t know how I’ve been able to fake it through work where I’m the “expert” in certain things.
– Exercise induced illness. This one emotionally hurts worse than the physical issues. Physical activity can induce flu-like symptoms. Being active is important for all around health, and I’ve always been an active person. Teaching fitness classes, especially to the lesser ability bodies, has been an extremely important part of my healing & transformation process over the past 7 years. At the moment I can regularly manage 1 low impact online class per week and, usually, 1 day to work on house projects. I’m SLOWLY getting to where I can handle more each week. Cardio seems to be a bigger issue than light “weight” actives. It is super heartbreaking not being able to offer more Zoom fitness times to people yet.
– Dizziness/vertigo and palpitations. This is a big medical mystery that started up in July 2021 and got worse after my 2nd viral exposure in Oct 2021. (The 2nd time I barely knew I was sick. So different.) My main medical person did bloodwork, everything came back fine. The cardiologist said I have one of the healthiest hearts he’s seen. (Huge relief) I’ve tried eliminating caffeine and other common food triggers, but it didn’t make a difference. It’s possible there’s an anxiety issue related imbalance, but no one really knows for sure. Things will happen at random times, and I can’t figure out if there are any particular triggers.
– Depression & anxiety. From suicidal ideation to internal panic attacks to ADHD type of symptoms, it’s been a huge process. During the pandemic shut down I decided to get some orthodontic issues taken care of, which includes being in braces. The best part about the braces is I can use them as a (legitimate) excuse for not being able to talk well. Conversations are hard. Being around friends & family can be difficult. I’ve become more withdrawn to work through the emotions.
– Recurring Shingles outbreaks. This has been a pain for about 19 years. Whenever stress levels get too high AND my immune system is weak I’m at risk of shingles popping in to say hi. It’s been a constant reminder to do the work and stay calm. I thought I had it pretty much under control and had been able to stop taking medication. This past year has been a struggle.
This list is merely the “big” long term issues brought on since the personal invasion.
Occasionally other things come up that’s like “yup, you’re something to do with THAT thing aren’t you.” So what is this Pillars thing I mentioned earlier?
The Pillars of Transformation is a process I created to help me get through life’s bull shit. It’s constantly evolving, but let’s talk about the main highlights.
– Positive thoughts. Some people spout off about finding gratitude every day. Yeah, that’s fine and dandy, but some days, if you’re in an extremely depressed state or have had a literal day of hell finding something to be “thankful” for can be impossible. Instead of finding something that gives you a humbling “thank you (insert whatever belief system you want) for this thing” mentality, I prefer to focus on things that just don’t suck. It can be a funny meme, a beautiful thing to look at, the hottie that smiled at you last week….it doesn’t matter as long as it is something that is a positive. I try to begin and end each day with a positive. How do I do that? In my bedroom I have reminders on the walls of my travels. Every time I see one, it invokes positive memories. At night, even if it’s been a shit day where I’m ugly crying into my pillow, I’ll flip it over take a few big breaths and keep thinking about something that’s not related to life’s ugliness. Am I “grateful”? Not necessarily, but it’s a distraction that has so far affectively helped rework my brain.
– Boundaries. Boundaries are reflection of you, even though they do have an affect on others. The tricky part about boundaries is to be true to you, but not act like an entitled narcissist all the time. While I was sick and injured at the end of ’19 and well into ’20, I had to set limits on what I could do around the house and with my household members. Things that I “normally” would have done may not have been an option. For example: if I had to go in for PT, “normally” I could also take care of other errands. While I was still having issues breathing it was PT then home, no I’m not going to do that extra thing; if you want it go with me and do it while I’m in my appointment.
– Nutrition. This is extremely important. You hear it all the time. It was difficult when the world shut down, especially after getting braces but that’s a whole other tantrum. At minimum, my juicing regime is non-negotiable. Also, I have certain vitamin supplements that are also now non-negotiable.
– Exercise. Movement was so hard at times, and once in a while still is. Here we are, 2+ years later and I still have physical issues. But I still push myself when possible to get essential movement in. Since starting the weekly Zoom fitness class, I do everything I can to make sure it happens. I’ve only had to cancel a few times to due being sick, appointments that couldn’t be at other times, or travel. Some weeks that’s the only “intense” day I can manage, but I do as much as I can without putting myself down for it.
– Clean it. Our spaces are a reflection of our energies. Yes, I actually believe that. My formal college education is in Interior Design, so I’m constantly doing projects. Besides painting or installing new floor, it’s important to plan regular sessions to clean/organize a space. That could mean spending your toilet time deleting all those emails you ignore. It could mean setting a timer and cleaning out the junk drawer. Maybe today’s the day you are actually going to donate all those old clothes. Even when I was in mental/emotional hell dealing with COVID and injuries, I forced myself to do small things to get rid of some of the clutter. It was something I COULD control when so much was out of it.
– Others. When we voluntarily give our energies away helping others, it is uplifting to the soul. I’m not talking about all that stay-at-homes do just to manage the household. I’m talking about doing something for someone else just because you can. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, in fact it doesn’t have to cost anything. Simple acts of kindness go a LONG way. When life ended, one thing I was able to do was take a (mostly) weekly visit to my other’s parents. The seclusion was extremely hard on them, and I didn’t give any fucks what the “guidelines” were, they were not going to be entirely isolated. One day per week we would go to their house to visit, play games, and help with any chores they needed. Then we would do our necessities shopping and go home for the next week. Those visits meant the world to them. We were safe, and cautious, never going in if someone in the house was sick. But simply being there didn’t cost anything extra, it made them happy, and we were able to create memories that stay in my heart forever.
It’s obvious that the bitch Rona kicked my ass. Hard. I couldn’t even tell those that are a part of my innermost circle how often I really just wanted to give up. Now, I’m glad I didn’t. Some days are still really hard, but overall things are easier. I don’t know if anyone will actually read all this, but I’m glad to now be able to share the journey.
by | Mar 7, 2022 | General Transformation
The end of 2019 was the beginning of the end of life as we knew it. Plans and actions were in place to satisfy my various interests. Mistic Freed, my new pride and joy, was just getting off the ground. A bucket list vacation to Scotland was the next thing to check off the list. Life was not that bad. Until it was.
Night fever, Night fever….
I remember when I was in 4th grade and caught the flu. I was an emotional wreck on the couch for a week. I remember crying over the most ridiculous things: food and drink commercials on tv (couldn’t keep anything down), my cat looking at me like I was an idiot and walking away, wanting to be in my room but the couch was in the living room (couches are always better when you’re sick). Ridiculous, right? I’m pretty sure my mother wanted to end me before it was all over.
That horrible week was nothing compared to the hitchhiker that found its way into my body during that bucket list trip. I was on the tail end of recovering from a cold when we left for London & Scotland, so when I started to cough and feel a bit achy the last night we were in Europe, I had assumed it was the cold back for another round. It’s not like I was getting the best R&R time running around all day, sometimes in the rain. A few days after getting back, the cough got worse. So did the aches, pains, fever and OH MY GAWD THE EXHAUSTION. It sounds strange, but it’s like I could feel it in my blood, especially in my arms. Everything was swollen. For the first time ever I had “pouty” lips.
Nothing Helped Much. Depression Was Taking Over.
I was doing everything I could think of and every trick in the book, but this thing was relentless. The coughing got so bad I had my person take me to the urgent care to see if I actually needed a prescription. After a miserable time sitting there coughing up a storm, a lot of side eye’s from the medical staff, and a chest x-ray, the doc said I had viral bronchitis. He was thorough, and a nice guy, but I could tell he thought I was too sick to have gone in. So the usual: rest, fluids, breathing treatments, blah blah blah NO TEACHING FITNESS CLASSES UNTIL THIS GOES AWAY. Even though I trusted the doctor, that little voice inside was telling me he unknowingly wrong, but I was too exhausted to say anything else.
In the news they were talking abo
ut a virus that was causing some problems in China. A doctor had gotten in trouble for telling his colleagues a new pneumonia was going around and to use a little extra caution treating patients so they wouldn’t catch it. For some reason it was catching media attention, because why would a doctor get in so much trouble for reminding his colleagues to wear their masks and wash thoroughly when treating these specific patients? Why did the colleagues get in trouble when they were consulting with each other about what treatments were & weren’t working to treat this unusual “pneumonia” and possible “bronchitis” patients? Something wasn’t right, just like I knew something wasn’t right with my diagnosis.
Had to do SOMETHING physical, even if it killed me
After a couple weeks off, I had started teaching my Zumba Gold class again because I could do that sitting if needed. It was the middle of holiday season, so classes weren’t going to be consistent anyway, and exercise is good for the immune system. It would be a motivator to get me out of the mental funk and start recovering. That’s what I told myself.
Around Christmas time, a few of us were visiting my brother. I was in this weird “better but not” stage. I didn’t need the breathing treatments regularly, yet was still easily exhausted, “bloated” and still felt weird internally. This fricken virus was taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I was beating myself up because Mistic Freed, my new life coaching business, was taking a hard hit. Depression was creeping in more than I realized. Then it happened. I slipped coming down the stairs. I slipped down one freaking step, but it was enough to dislocate my knee cap….again.
Life was changing, and NOT how I had planned
Upon returning home from my brothers, I made an appointment with my chiropractor, whom I have a LOT of trust in and usually go to him first with any injury to decide the best course of action. He looked at my knee and was not happy. Off he sent me to my physical therapist with strict instruction NOT to be doing anything more than absolute necessary walking until my PT cleared me for more. Crap. He had never gotten that stern about previous injuries, so I knew it was bad. My PT confirmed that it was not good. At least 2 months, NO FITNESS TEACHING, no workouts or usage beyond his specific instructions.
Hello darkness my old friend. Is this going to be the end?
I tried to find the positives about the situation. The forced down time would force me to get over the virus I hadn’t been able to completely shake. I would have a bit more time & energy to work on my side biz. I wouldn’t be driving home so late on nights I would normally be at the gym. In reality, no matter how hard I tried, my world was getting dangerously dark. For the next two months even though I was appearing at work, going through the motions at home, and posting what was necessary online while taking a marketing class in a desperate attempt to not fail again at another business attempt, a big part of me was inviting death to come in.
Who was I to think I had any business to help others when my life was one shit show after another? How could I help people transform to get out of their own swamps if I couldn’t get out of mine? How could I help people stay motivated to keep moving when I was constantly getting injured over stupid things? Who the hell was I to talk about learning to love oneself when I wasn’t sure I wanted to even be around me anymore? WHO THE HELL WAS I?!?!?!?!
I can’t say I was actively doing anything that would have ended my life but waking up each day was getting to be extremely disappointing. Every day driving into and from work I wondered if today would or could be the day I became one of those crash statistics. I’ve got a vivid imagination sometimes and the thoughts were getting darker and darker.
On March 1st 2020, after appointments with my medical team, they all said I could no longer teach fitness classes at the Y. Part of me knew they were going to say that, but my heart still broke. I went to the gym and told my boss what the verdict was. I took one last slow look around, took a big breath, and forced myself to walk, not run, back to my car, head down. After a good hard cry, I drove the 30 miles home with tears still rolling down my face. The Y had been a part of me for so long, and now because of a fricken illness that was taking FOREVER to recover from and slipping off of one damn stair, I was forced to say good-bye. All the time and money spent on training to get licensed and certified in various things, all of the goals and dreams created from this little side hobby ripped away because of one virus and one stupid injury. I felt dead inside and would have welcomed it completely.
I can survive this
Two weeks later COVID-19 shut down the world. That catastrophic event was miraculously the beginning of my recovery and major transformation, but that’s a story for another time.
